Will You Be a Better Version of Your Parents?
As a child abuse trauma survivor, did you ever ask yourself, “Will you be a better version of your parents?” Now we all know that parenting is not easy. Still, this fundamental question is something that we should all challenge ourselves.
Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.
Stay tuned, and let me share how I became a better, improved version of my parents.
Abusive Childhood
I grew up in southestern North Carolina during the repressive 1960s and 1970s. Life was hard. We, children, were treated like chattel used for the betterment of our farm.
We were no more to our father than mere field hands or day laborers. He never showed us an ounce of fatherly love.
Our mother was not as extreme. We knew she loved us but with strict conditions. We would only be praised if we did her bidding and made ourselves look good to her family, church, and the larger community. She was all about appearances. So, making her look good was critical.
Religion was used to justify their overbearing parenting style, and harsh corporal punishments, of course, ‘justified by God,’ were swift and often. We got no warning and had no understanding of why we were punished.
Our childhoods were stolen. In our parents’ eyes, we were to be seen but not heard. We were never to complain, speak up, or speak out. Simply comply and blindly obey.
This oppressive environment lent itself to something more sinister. My parents did not sexually abuse me. However, the environment I was raised in was a perfect setup for sexual abuse. I was sexually abused by my sadistic brother for eleven years, beginning when I was six and ending at seventeen.
Positive Change
As a teenager, I remember vowing to myself that if I ever had the opportunity to be a parent, I would do better than how I was raised.
Now I was not the perfect parent. None of us ever are. We can all look back and ‘Monday morning quarterback’ what we should have handled better with our children. However, I introspectively looked at my upbringing when my first child was born. I was steadfast and determined that there would be change.
No more harsh religion or corporal punishments. No more not allowing my child to have a voice. No more not feeling unconditionally loved. No more not allowing my child to learn how to pick themselves up when mistakes are made. No more not giving my child a happy childhood and a sense of well-being.
My children were raised with healthy and supportive boundaries that helped mold them into the well-developed and responsible adults they’ve become. I am in my sixties and very proud of my children and my loving fatherly relationship with them.
And if I can take the horrible childhood that I grew up with, and turn it around to stop the cycle of abuse, then you can too. You just have to be determined to do it and not copy your parents’ negative behaviors.
And this is precisely one of the things I have written about in my novel.
My Novel
My novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.
My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes.
As a reminder, please leave an honest review and rating for my books or audiobook. This helps me to be recognized by other valuable readers like yourself.
Thank You for Your Time
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Have a wonderful day!
Reviews of my favorite books
If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg OlsenMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!
This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!
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Coreyography by Corey FeldmanMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!
As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!
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The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon HertzMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
A Masterfully Written Novel!
As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.
Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.
This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.
I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.
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The Deviant by Adam SommersMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!
As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.
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I Know Where You Live by Gregg OlsenMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Disturbing and Intense!
I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!
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Fear Collector by Gregg OlsenMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Intoxicating “Who Done It”
I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!
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Paint by Murders by Amanda JaegerMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Mesmerized Until the End!
I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.
I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.
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Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia OwensMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Written With Poetic Color
As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.
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Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. DowlingMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
An Exciting Dystopian Thriller
I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.
I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.
View all my reviews