Why Do You Self-Isolate?
As a childhood trauma survivor, do you find at times that you prefer to be alone? Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do you self-isolate?” Self-isolation is a typical result of childhood trauma. And it’s one of the things I still battle with, even after years of therapy.
Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.
Stay tuned, and let me share how I deal with urges to self-isolate.
The Roots of Self-Isolation
My biggest reason for self-isolation was learning early on that I had to depend on myself. Being repeatedly lied to and continuously manipulated by my abusers, I developed deep trust issues as a child.
Everything came at a price. I learned to trust no one. I was constantly dealing with the embarrassment and shame associated with sexual abuse. So, I would not confide in anyone. What if they exploited me, too?
I withdrew into my introverted world, avoiding toxic relationships to protect myself. I would not let others in. Keeping to myself, I kept limited supposed ‘friends’ at arm’s length with distance, coldness, and detachment.
I also became hyper-vigilant of situations that could potentially bring me harm. I was always avoidant of my trauma triggers. My emotional distress with crowds led me to lack the development of healthy relationships and any form of solid social network.
Through adolescence and into my early twenties, my fear, got the best of me.
Adulthood
As an adult, I developed my own system of protection. Don’t get too close to anyone. And don’t share your innermost thoughts and secrets. I kept friends, colleagues, and co-workers at a distance.
My first marriage was a failure. We had huge communication issues. My wife grew up in a safe and sheltered world. I wanted to share my life story, but she could not process my past. It was too much for her to understand and cope with. And if I pressed her, she withdrew from me.
So we didn’t talk about my past. And in some respects, I felt my partner did not support me. But I did not hold that against her. I accepted it and tried to make the best of my marriage. In time, however, we grew apart. And after fourteen years, we divorced and moved on with separate lives.
In my second marriage, I have been able to share with my husband. He is more accepting and understanding of my past but struggles with some horrid details. He tells me it pains him to hear these terrible parts of my past. But at least I now have someone to confide in and open up to, even if the facts are sometimes limited.
I’ve learned over my lifetime that having trusted friends and developing a social network outside of family and marriage is essential. We are social beings. We all need to be and to feel connected to others. Being antisocial is quite unhealthy.
So, recently, I have been making a concerted effort to go out and socialize more often. Although a little uncomfortable at first, I can already tell it is becoming easier and now something I look forward to.
So if you are in the same situation as me, I hope you will do the same. Give it a try. I’m sure you’ll find it most rewarding.
My struggles with self-isolation are precisely one of the things I have written about in my novel.
My Novel
My novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.
My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes.
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Thank You for Your Time
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Have a wonderful day!
Reviews of my favorite books
If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg OlsenMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!
This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!
View all my reviews
Coreyography by Corey FeldmanMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!
As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!
View all my reviews
The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon HertzMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
A Masterfully Written Novel!
As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.
Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.
This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.
I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.
View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam SommersMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!
As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.
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I Know Where You Live by Gregg OlsenMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Disturbing and Intense!
I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!
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Fear Collector by Gregg OlsenMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Intoxicating “Who Done It”
I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!
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Paint by Murders by Amanda JaegerMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Mesmerized Until the End!
I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.
I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.
View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia OwensMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Written With Poetic Color
As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.
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Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. DowlingMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
An Exciting Dystopian Thriller
I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.
I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.
View all my reviews
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