Was Life Spinning Out of Control? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

My childhood was in an era of family, religion, and society where children were not allowed to question things or challenge the authority of older people, including older siblings.

My primary abuser was my sadistic brother, who also groomed and prostituted me to be a sex worker for a local satanic cult of which he was a member.

Early on, I survived by repressing my memory, withdrawing into myself, and pretending that my abuse could not be real.

But the denials were short-lived, and by my early teens, after desperate and multiple attempts to seek adult intervention with no success, I became hopeless and resolved that I would just have to endure my ordeal until I came of age to get the hell out of there. I also had thoughts of suicide.

However, I was fortunate to have wise advice from my maternal grandfather. With his guidance, I became determined not to allow my abuse to destroy me. Regardless of my childhood, I developed a stubborn steel will to make the best of my life. I became a book nerd and was studious with excellent grades.

And this was the first time in my life where I went against the norm and decided to finally advocate for myself. By my late teens, I resolved to put myself first rather than continue to be the doormat.

I earned academic scholarships and became well-educated, which catapulted my life in a positive direction.

And that was a turning point, but I still struggled way into my forties with internalized low self-esteem, struggling with important decisions, and a habit of being a yes-man.

It took me years of therapy to recover, and it was the last form of treatment, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR therapy, that I found to be the most beneficial.

I recovered to a place where I could again function as an adult and not feel my life spinning out of control.