Were You Forbidden To Talk?
As a childhood sexual abuse victim, were you forbidden to talk? That is, talk about it while it was happening, and later were you forbidden to talk about it as an adult?
I was forbidden to talk about my abuse by two critical sets of people in my life. As expected, one group was my abusers, and the other, unfortunately, was my mother.
Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing. I have written this novel to share my story.
My novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.”
This novel was based on my life. It begins with my horrible childhood and continues through my remarkable journey of survival and recovery.
Stay tuned, and let me share more about how I was forbidden to talk about my abuse.
Forbidden By My Abusers
My initial abuser and subsequent abusers forbade me to talk about my sexual abuse.
I was repeatedly threatened that if I mentioned this to anyone, I would suffer more extreme levels of abuse and that I could also be killed.
Not only would they kill me, but they would also kill anyone whom I discussed my abuse with.
I was coerced and manipulated and made to feel that I would be responsible for the deaths of others.
And as a result, I lived in constant fear and suffered from low self-esteem and paranoia.
My silence ensured eleven years of trauma by my abusers.
And even after the abuse stopped, I was further controlled with threats of violence by my abusers way into adulthood.
Forbidden By My Mother
Finally, in my teens, I mustered the courage to seek help from my mother. The one adult I thought would swoop me up in their arms and protect me.
But quite contrarily, that did not happen. Instead, I was immediately and harshly rebuked for speaking to my mother about my abuse.
She slapped me across my face and told me she didn’t want to hear such filth. She twisted my duty of silence with religion and the need to protect our family name.
If Jesus Christ could suffer on the cross for all the sins of mankind, I could suffer in silence for the goodness of our family name. Instead, I was ordered to never again speak of my abuse and take my shame to my grave.
You see, my mother was more interested in maintaining her sense of our family standing in our community rather than protecting me.
Abdicating her parental responsibility and abandoning her duty to protect me in lieu of her vanity and pride caused a lifelong riff with my mother, resulting in me not trusting adults.
As a young teenager, I vowed to get the hell out of that community and move on to better my life elsewhere as soon as I came of age. I survived my ordeal and held on to my vow. Remarkably, I am now a better person because of it.
My novel has received great reviews on Amazon or Goodreads. You can find a full review by Robin Ginther-Venneri on her website, “Robin’s Review,” and her site on Tiktok. In addition, you can see my novel listed in online blogs at “The Novel Bookstore,” “Readers Village,” “Mystery & Thriller Library,” and “Amazon Book of the Day.”
In addition, my inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story is about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.
I sincerely hope my novel will inspire and support other sexually abused people or those suppressed by life events beyond their control.
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