Living with Shame? New Book Coming Soon – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

My sexual abuse began when I was six and lasted eleven years. I was threatened that I could be killed if I talked.

Out of fear, I never spoke to a soul about this. I never shared it with anyone.

By the second grade, I remember starting school with deep shame and embarrassment about what was happening to me.

I lived in constant fear of being discovered. I knew that kids could be cruel and would use this knowledge to taunt and humiliate me at school.

I felt they would not understand or even want to understand. I feared being objectified as the sexually-abused boy.

I became hyper-vigilant, keenly aware of my surroundings, about who spoke and what was said. Being ever so careful to pick up on the slightest comment.

I became paranoid at a very young age.

In middle school, my primary abuser outed me to fulfill his sick need to ridicule me further. And in doing so, he blamed me for my own sexual abuse.

I immediately became a target and was humiliated with public taunts: homo, faggot, queer, cock sucker. And further humiliation followed with ridicule in the men’s bathroom.

I became pee-shy and lived with shy bladder syndrome into adulthood.

I withdrew as much from school society as I could. Becoming an introvert, I only associated with limited trusted friends and tried to avoid public places.

I often took lunch and my breaks alone, in isolation.