Blaming the Victim?
As a sexually abused child, were you blamed and made to feel responsible for your abuse?
Did your abuser try to get into your head and try to convince you that you invited your abuse and were a willing participant?
Hi. This is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.
My book is about a little boy that grew up in the south during the repressive 1960s and was horribly sexually abused.
My soon-to-be-released realistic fiction book was inspired by actual events in my lifetime.
My story is centered around my life: a life that has been a journey from early boyhood sexual abuse and its effects, my struggles to overcome severe PTSD, my unwavering determination to survive, and my dogged determination to succeed and make something out of myself.
Stay tuned, and let me share more information about how my abuser tried to make me feel responsible for my sexual abuse.
Victim Blaming and Gaslighting
My sexual abuse began when I was six and lasted eleven years.
My sadistic older brother abused me and later tried to convince me I was responsible for my own abuse.
When I initially accused him of abusing me, he tried to convince me that I was crazy and lying. So, according to him, I made up this story to get him in trouble.
He attempted to convince me that I was the aggressor; I seduced him, wanted to be abused, and was a willing participant.
You see, he flipped the situation around, and, of course, he was the helpless victim.
At the same time, he tried to get into my head. He used threats, coercion, manipulation, and emotional extortion to control and silence me.
Do you see how any of this does not fit?
During my abuse, I mentally slipped into a world of lies and denials where I pretended that everything was ok regardless of the physical and psychological scars I was accumulating.
I repressed my trauma and had moments where I questioned my thoughts. I questioned my own reality.
Looking back on it, I now realize my brief mental confusion and denialism were a self-preservation mechanism. Nevertheless, this was precisely where my brother wanted me to be.
Years later, in my forties, I obtained much-needed EMDR therapy and worked through my multiple layers of trauma. And I learned then that I was a victim of what we now know as classical gaslighting.
That is, my abuser grossly misled me for his own advantage. Gaslighting is usually a very effective tool for an abuser to control the abused.
And gaslighting was used quite effectively by my brother during the 1960s and 70s before it became a popular term of daily dialogue.
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