The Danger of Denials?
Did you ever live in a family or community where children were taught to deny their serious problems rather than face them and fix them?
Where children were taught to pretend that bad things did not happen and that the pretending would make the problems disappear.
Hi. This is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.
My book is about a little boy that grew up in the south during the 1960s and was horribly sexually abused. During his abuse, he coped and survived by living in a world of deceptions, lies, pretends, and denials.
As a result, he had many issues later in life while a man.
My soon-to-be-released realistic fiction book was inspired by actual life events.
My story is centered around this man’s life: a life that is a journey from early boyhood sexual abuse and its effects, his struggles to overcome, his unwavering determination to survive, and his dogged determination to succeed and make something out of himself.
Stay tuned, and let me share more information about why denials are so dangerous, especially for sexually abused children.
Why are Denials so Dangerous?
Each time this little boy reached out to get help, he was quickly dismissed and told to deny his abuse and pretend it wasn’t happening.
You see, the parents took the path of least resistance and told their child to simply deny it and not talk about it.
The parent’s rationale was that if you don’t talk about it, well, no one will know, and the problem will simply go away.
But more important to the parents than the fact that their son was being sexually abused was preserving their vane sense of family honor, pride, and community standing.
Foremost in the parent’s minds, they did not want to face this problem publicly, thus ensuring the silence of their abused son.
The boy was lectured that going to his grave with his secret was much better. Keeping the secret was more critical than having family, neighbors, and community talking about him and bringing shame and dishonor to his family name.
He was continuously taught that dishonoring the family should not be on his conscience.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, the boy’s silence was buffered with snippets of Christianity. He was taught that since Jesus Christ suffered quietly while dying on the cross, he, too, should suffer quietly while being abused.
At least for the parents, their vanity and pride were spared. They never had to deal with their son’s abusers or the psychological fallout with the son.
And when the abusers got wind that no one was going to do anything, well then, the frequency and degree of sexual abuse escalated.
As a result, the boy suffered unconscionable types of ever-intensifying sexual abuse repeatedly for many years.
Despite it all, he survived. Yet later in life, he dealt with extreme PTSD and anxiety, amongst many other problems. More on this later.
So denial is certainly no way to deal with sexual abuse. On the contrary, it only gives the green light to the abusers, and they do more serious harm.
As a result, the abused are abused and traumatized even more.
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